Lost in time

   I’ve always been the one to make a wrong turn at everything. This time I actually ended up in Washington by accident. Funny how that works right? I mean most of the time I’ve been lost existentially and I’m working a job as a traveling salesman. My company has instructed me to sell our newest product, Morning mirror, which reminds you of all your plans for the day and your morning routine. It tells you, “Don’t forget to floss, and your 7:15 am Insulin shot, and to print off that spreadsheet for your meeting at 2”. Your own personal helper when you’re a scatter-brained fool who forgets to put on your underwear after you’ve already slid into your slacks. But I wish I had my own personal helper to tell me, “Hey jackass, you missed the damn exit now you’re in Washington.”

    I looked over my shoulder and realized I’m driving over the bridge connecting the two states and that below me the river looks a few degrees above freezing. I zoned out again, thinking about how my hotel was waving back at me as I drove away from it. I had to get off and re-route back to Oregon and to my regular life. I mean I shouldn’t be really complaining that I don’t like my job. I love my job. Who wouldn’t love to travel to a new state every week to go to business conventions? All expenses are paid for and all I have to do is sell our new product to any imbecile with eyes and ears and convince them to invest and to buy a share in our company or even just buy the product itself. Cake. I mean it’s always been easy for me to tell other people what to do or what to want, I’ve gotten so good at it, they’ve promoted me to the Senior Executive in Sales. I’m just really good at what I do, and I couldn’t be happier, right?

    After I flipped around and headed back to my hotel, I drove back over the bridge. Six lanes wide, and moss hanging from overhead metal beams. I looked out west where the river stretched further than the land it snaked right in between. The sun was peeking through the low hanging clouds the same way it does through a tall oak tree on a summer day. I’ve never been to Oregon before. I’ve always heard about it and seen a couple stock photos on google on my computer in my office the week before I flew out from Colorado and I just thought it was like the other states I’ve been to. Arizona, Texas, South Dakota, even Vegas wasn’t that fun. They were all bland and superficial. I guess I can’t really speak only because every trip I’ve been on I’ve stayed in my hotel and just gone to the conventions and retreated back to my room like a hermit. God, I’m such an introvert.

But this time, something about the clouds and the sun and the moss kinda made me feel like I woke up. It was like I’ve been stuck on this mental routine that I’ve programmed my brain to follow. For a second it was almost like I was lucid dreaming and it made me feel warmer than I was. But I came back to reality and I turned on my blinker and got off the highway after I crossed back into Oregon, back to my life.

    After I checked into my room I walked past the hall where the convention was gonna be in the morning. Workers in black polos and slacks were already setting up the hall for the next morning, the sparkling chandeliers hanging overhead, while the doors at the end of the room let the river and Washington laugh at me. It was almost kind of eerie but also like a challenge. Like when you take your older brother or sister's slice of cake and you prompt them to chase you with the intent of just teasing them with the last delicious slice. They had that slice of cake and it was tempting to snag back, but I didn't. I mean I shouldn’t, I have to be watching my eating habits, you don’t have the same metabolism you do at twenty eight as you do at sixteen.

    I turned and decided to keep walking towards my room when I accidentally bumped into this girl. I was a little upset that some people don’t really know how to walk straight, but then I remember I’m too clumsy for my own good that I find myself tripping over my own two feet when I’m not even walking. What surprised me was how the girl reacted to me running into her.

    “Woah bro, watch where you’re going with those clown feet, you’re gonna squash someone like that someday.” My eyes shot straight to my feet and I realized that I did have freakishly huge feet. Why have I never noticed this before? I guess we never notice the things that don’t seem to matter, at times when they seem like they mean the world to us.

    I looked back up with a flushed face and saw a girl with light green eyes and messy wavy brown hair. Her outfit was almost just as strange as the way she was looking at me. It was almost alluring the way she looked like she knew everything without ever having to say anything. I bet when you looked at us put together, you would never see two completely opposite people breathing the same air. I was wearing my suit with my suitcase in hand, while she had her baggy clothes, combat boots, and silver nose ring and tattoos splayed across her body that screamed, I’m here world, what are you gonna do about it?

    “Sorry, I uh, didn’t see where I was going,” I said after a few moments.
    “Clearly, but it’s totally cool dude, just watch out next time or I’m gonna have to tell bigfoot that you took his shoes. I know he’s been lookin for those for a while so don’t tempt me.” She was laughing and I realized she was joking this entire time. A small smile crept across my face.
    “Well not to be the bearer of bad news, but the 60’s called, and they want their style back.” She looked entertained.
    “A guy with a decent sense of humor. That’s hard to come by these days. What’s your name?”
    “Miles. My name is Miles.” I reached my hand out and shook her hand and she reached back. Jesus my hands were huge too. Was there anything about me that was proportioned normally?
    “Charlie.”
    “Charlie?”
    “It’s actually my nickname. My name is actually Charlotte, but all my friends call me Charlie.” Even though Charlie was a guy’s name it suited her perfectly for some reason. I liked it.
    “I like it. It’s different.” She was smirking still and her head was tilted to the side a little like an owl.
    “So Mr. Miles, what is it that brings you here to step on my feet and tease my wardrobe? You don’t look like you’re here for the fishing contest down at the pier.”
    I looked down at my suit and remembered that I was still me and not anyone else.
    “Oh right, umm, I’m a salesman. Well technically the Senior Executive of sales for this company called FutTech, nothing special,” I was starting to feel nervous, like I was boring this girl. “What about you? What exactly are you doing here?”
    She pulled a camera bag from her waist and flashed a really fancy and really expensive looking camera. No wonder where all her money went, they certainly weren’t on the crazy clothes she was wearing.
    “Writing an article for a little newspaper that you’ve never heard of before.”
    “Photojournalist?”
    “You are correct sir, it's a special kind of art that not a lot of people can do because it involves pictures and words.”
    “Well my job involves words and numbers so I guess we’re almost the same.” I joked.
    “I guess that’s true to a certain extent. At least with my job I can go wherever a story lives. I’m here for three days and tomorrow I plan on going to Multnomah Falls. You should come I’d enjoy some company if you’re not too busy with your company.” My stomach just did a flip. Did this girl just ask me out? A attractive girl? Did I just say attractive girl? Yes! No! I’ve never been at a loss of words like I have in this moment, English has finally failed me.  I want to say yes, but then I look back to the hall where hotel employees are still moving tables chairs in and out like ants carrying food back to the nest. I look back to Charlie and she looks back at me like she’s trying to figure me out.
    “I’d love to… but I kinda have the convention tomorrow and I can’t miss it…” The words tasted disgusting to say. She shrugged her shoulders.
    “That’s okay, I mean you can still tag along if you decide to change your mind. I’m leaving here by 9. Maybe you’ll step on my feet again soon.” She smiled and I felt weird in my gut. It was definitely a good weird, but damn did it make me feel sick.
    “Yeah, hopefully.” She punched my arm and laughed and walked past me, down the hall until she disappeared around the corner.
    It wasn’t until I got to my room when I collapsed on my bed, and yelled because I realized how much I hated my job and how much I loved Oregon already. 

    My dreams were a mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about my sales pitch for tomorrow, and the shape of her eyes. Jesus, why was this the most inconvenient time to meet a girl? I had my life together, and I was successful. Why am I letting my mind get off track?

    The next morning I woke up to the screeching alarm clock on the nightstand, 7:05 am. I got up and walked to the window and snapped the curtains open, it was cloudy outside. This was the first time I felt like I related to the sky. Normally I’m really excited to be at the conventions because I always hit the ball out of the park, but for some reason I felt off. I didn’t understand why, so I started getting ready.

    I showered and combed my hair neatly and put on my suit piece by piece. I double checked I had my paperwork and my briefcase. I neatly stacked all my pamphlets in the briefcase and my data and spreadsheets.  Everything had its place and everything was in order.

    I left my room and I started heading to the hall. Other men and women in suits with their own brief cases were marching in sync into the convention, a dull roar of voices oozed out and wrapped around my head, people were talking about plans and setting up their company station. I checked my watch and saw that the time read 8:57 and how presentations were starting in a few minutes. I looked up and looked around the lobby. I was hopeful. The lobby was swarmed as last minute people rushed into the hall, a sea of grays, and blues, and blacks swam right over me as I hoped to see something. I checked my watch again, 8:59, and a bright green caught my eye. It was her again. Her outfit looked like she was ready to go into battle. She was wearing the same combat boots and some heavy looking green pants and jacket. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun with a big backpack strapped to her. It was almost comical cause she almost looked like a turtle with her shell. She was on a mission and she looked determined.

    An applause broke off my hopeless gaze and I saw that they were beginning the convention. I turned back to look for her as the last of the salesmen scurried into the room. She was heading out the door and I wanted to call out for her but I didn’t. I couldn’t. My life was here. Right here in this room with 500 hundred other men and women just like me. The noise was inaudible and I found myself turning on my heel and running out of the building.

    I got out and felt a rush.
    Oh god what are you doing? You need to go back inside! You’re making a huge mistake! Get back in there and present your product!

    Did I listen to what I was telling myself? Nope. Do I ever? Occasionally. Am I listening right now? Not at all. My feet carried me and I was hopeless. I bet she was already gone and that I just looked stupid for running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

    “Did you actually think I wouldn’t wait for you, Bigfoot?”
    I turned around and she was sitting on the steps organizing her shell backpack. Her smirk curled up on the right.
    “Couldn’t be too sure. I had a feeling you missed me.” I walked towards her as she zipped up her bag, and stood up.
    “Clearly not as much as you. Whose car are we gonna take? It's a little bit of a drive from here so we gotta get going.” 

    I offered to drive and we got in the car. I threw my bulky briefcase in the trunk and we were off. We talked the whole time and she was more animated and entertaining than I thought a human could be. I guess it doesn’t take much to realize how boring I was sometimes. I mean I used to be a lot more daring when I was a kid but then I realized I needed to grow up and stop acting like I was twelve years old. I kinda regret that I did though, because her energy was vibrant and it seemed like the twelve year old was still kicking in there and it wasn’t gonna stop any time soon.

    Greens and trees were flying past us as we drove down the freeway. We laughed as the music drowned out the sound of the light rain painting the windshield, sending trails behind us as I let my worry fall behind with every passing mile.

    We got off at the right exit this time, and I pulled into the parking lot. The falls were on the other side of the highway, and we had to cross underneath through a tunnel. She pulled out her camera and started attaching different lenses and accessories that I’ve never seen before. It was strange but enticing to watch.

    She looked up at me and when she was done she smiled and turned towards the falls. Clearly she wasn’t gonna wait for me so I jogged to keep up with her, and we walked side by side.

    Some were walking with us as others were walking the other way back to their cars. The rain stopped but the clouds still hung over us and the scent of moisture sat thickly in the air. We were getting close when it started getting louder and when we walked up to the bottom I was amazed. I’ve never seen a waterfall until this moment. People all around us were taking pictures on their little phones and cameras, but then I saw Charlie walking around snapping away and I knew she was making art.

    The roar of the falls and the hums of the voices of fellow tourists surrounded me more than the greenery flourishing. We walked along the path that was marked off by railings and ropes. Water dripped from the overhead trees and the bottom of the waterfall gently sprayed our faces. We stood side by side again as she took a couple more photos then abruptly stopped and craned her head to the top of the falls.

    “Wanna go to the top?” She asked with a smile that spoke of danger but excitement.
    “The top of the waterfall?” My voice cracked a little bit and I blushed.
    “Yeah, how far can it be? A mile, maybe two at most? C’mon, it’ll be a breeze!”
    I looked up to the top and somehow felt my stomach drop. I never thought I’d allow myself to leave the convention, much less climb a mountain. It was absolutely bizarre wasn’t it? But something told me that bizarre was something Charlie liked and I couldn’t back out now. I mean we came all this way…
    “Easy peasy, let’s do it.” Her smile became softer and I felt that feeling again and it made me nervous.

    This hike was not easy whatsoever. I mean I knew it was gonna be uphill and all, but damn I never thought that I’d be this winded from walking. My feet were starting to get blisters and everyone we passed looked at me like I was delusional, I mean it’s not everyday you see a man hiking a trail with his wet gray suit and damp hair. Charlie was going ahead of me quite a ways and didn’t look like she struggled at all. She still was snapping pictures of the trees and strangers, occasionally exchanging small talk while she would wait for me to catch up.

    We finally made it to the top and it was something out of a dream. The deck was a strong wood, with sturdy rails that were covered in moss and water. We stepped to the edge and it wasn’t until that moment my breath was taken away. The roar was almost as loud as a plane taking off. We could see the trail and the bridge and the parking lot and the river on the other side of the highway.

    I only looked at that for a second and then found my eyes wandering to Charlie. She looked at peace and like she was happy. When I stood at the top of that waterfall I realized that I wanted to go on another adventure with her. 

    We were walking back to the hotel and my shoes were soaked and my suit was ruined indefinitely, but I couldn’t care less. You can always buy more shoes, and more suits, but you can never buy memories and experiences that go with them. It was a little after 4 when we walked through the front doors and I turned to her. This was the part that sucked. But I felt a rush and the words came out before I could stop them.
    “What are your plans tomorrow?” She pulled a few stray hairs that came loose from her ponytail from her face.
    “I’m heading northwest. A little town called Astoria and Cannon Beach are calling,” She paused then continued, “Did you want to come?” I fixed my straight, wet hair.
    “I would love to. Same time as today?”
    “Yessir.”
    “I’ll see you at nine then.” She nodded, smirked and walked to her room. Why did I like it when she smirked?
    I got back to my room and despite how tired and drained I was from the hike, I was excited. I was happy that I knew what I was doing tomorrow even though I had no idea what was gonna happen. My room phone rang and I answered it.
    “Make sure you don’t wear another monkey suit tomorrow, it looked painful to watch you hike in those dress shoes Bigfoot.” She laughed and hung up. I peeled off my wetsuit and hung it in the shower after I cleaned myself from the moss and rain. I flopped into my bed and found myself hardly wanting to sleep. My reality was finally becoming better than my dreams and I couldn’t be happier.

    The next morning I ran down the hall and met Charlie in the lobby. I had gone out and bought a rain jacket, boots, and thick jeans early this morning and when I saw her she was still wearing bright greens and her combat boots. Even though she looked mean in her battle suit, she still had a soft look in her eyes, and an even softer smile.

    I drove us again and the clouds still hung low in the sky, as they wept happy tears. We talked for the entire ride and exchanged more stories and experiences, even though I barely had anything to share, Charlie didn’t miss a beat. I honestly got worried a couple times that she wouldn’t come up for air because she couldn’t get out all of her stories. I guess it's always the good times that take our breaths away even when we don't realize it.

    We finally made it into Astoria about an hour later and it was like nothing I’ve ever seen. The Victorian houses were all stacked up on the hills as a large portion of the town seemed intact decades before cars and highways made their way into the small town. We found a small spot to park and got out.

    We walked around as the rain dribbled on our heads. We wove our way in and out of the shops and down the streets. Again Charlie was talking to strangers and capturing the life that unfolded around us.
    We walked down to this pier and listened to the rain lightly smack the water and the fishing boats as a seal peaked its head up from the water, then dipped back and disappeared. It was incredible to watch, I’ve never seen a seal before.

    Charlie laughed and told me we needed to move on. I looked around one last time and panned my eyes over the river where a flock of giant freight ships sat anchored and dormant almost like they’ve never moved before. I looked out west and saw the giant mental bridge that loomed hundreds, maybe thousands of feet over the river to stitch Oregon and Washington together. The bridge looked like it was taunting me again, almost like it wanted us to drive across and see what was waiting for us on the other side. But we ended up driving past it, and I watched it shrink in the rearview until it was gone for good.

    We drove for another half hour till we got to Cannon beach. The road slithered next to the beach and houses and we pulled off to park. The moment we stepped out of the car I thought we were gonna fly away. The wind snapped our clothes across our bodies and our hair blew vigorously in every direction. I zipped up my jacket and looked at Charlie with squinted eyes.

    “Maybe we should just go back, this wind is too crazy.”
    “Go back? Where’s the fun in that! C’mon I bet there isn’t gonna be anyone on the beach because of it.” She started walking a couple steps and turned back to see if I was gonna follow her. I looked at the car and saw my reflection and saw a guy who’s never done anything with his life. You’ll regret not doing it. I tell myself. I looked back to her and saw her smirk and I followed her down the steps to the beach.

    The wind was relentless, but for once in my life I felt grounded. I took in the whole beach and I looked beyond Haystack rock and saw everything and nothing at once. Water stretching further than my eyes could comprehend. It's one thing to hear about how long the ocean is, but it’s another to see it. My gaze was broken by a crazy flash of green and I looked to my right and saw Charlie running around without socks or shoes, waving her hands in crazy circles. Her bag was on the ground and she was yelling and running and laughing with the wind.

I’ve always been certain about a great many things. I’ve always had the facts and the numbers and the data to back up my information and my claims, but I was never more certain than I was at that moment that this girl was the most lively thing in my life. She was life and she was danger, but over everything, she was the epitome of elation and freedom. If she were the moon and I was the sun, I would spend every day burning for her and I would spend every night falling for her.

I took off my shoes and my socks and we ran along the beach together and we laughed and yelled. There was no one else on the beach and it almost seemed like we were the only two in the world, and to me that sounded more than perfect. 

After running around and losing our breaths, we walked back to the car and it almost seemed like the wind was never even there to begin with.
The drive back was calm and sweet and we spoke softly about anything and everything, the things that mattered and the things that didn’t. I guess there really is no difference between the two when you realize that the person sitting next to you on that long drive listens just as much about the test you passed to get you an A in the hardest class you ever took in high school, and the time you lost your mom.

We got back to the hotel and it was 4 again and we stood in the lobby. This part was always the worst. I’m not sure why it got harder every single time, but it did and it made me wish there were more minutes in a day and that these days would never end. No, nothing sucked more than having to say goodbye everytime.
    “Tomorrow’s my last day here then I have to fly back,” Nevermind. Scratch that, this was worse than having to sleep in a different room than her, than to sleep in a different bed than her… “I still have one more place I want to go to tomorrow before I have to go to the airport… Do you want to come?” Her smile was incredibly soft and even looked a little sad. She looked like she was searching through my eyes to see what I was thinking. I hope she can hear me and that she can hear that I didn’t want her to leave and that I wanted to live here with her and find more places to go.
    Instead, I say, “I’d love to. You think I’d let you go by yourself? You’d miss me too much. What time does your flight leave?”
    “Four.”
    “Mine leaves at six, so I guess we can kinda wait until you leave first, yeah?”
    “Works for me. I’ll see you at nine Bigfoot.” She punched my shoulder again, smiled, then turned and walked to her room.
    I dragged my feet all the way back to my room and flopped so heavy into my bed. A part of me wished that I had more control over these things in my life. I know that if I did then I’d make it so that the plane never came and that we never went to the airport and that we were able to run along that cold flat beach until all the stars in the sky fell out of the sky and the oceans receded to nothing. But unfortunately things don’t work that way and even though we can’t control what we feel, we certainly can control what we say, and all I’m saying right now, is that I really don’t want that plane to come tomorrow. 

    I woke up and felt something. Something was different. I opened the curtains and I was greeted with a cloudy but patchy blue sky. Wisps of whites floating in a meticulous way. The sun was bright and made all the greens of moss and trees brighter than any green I’ve ever seen. Today was gonna be a sad day, but for right now I want to appreciate it for all the spectacular little moments that I know are gonna happen.
I packed my bag and threw it in the back of my car and stood next to Charlie as she threw her luggage in her rental as well. She was wearing some semi normal clothes. A green muscle shirt that let her tattooed arms run wild with some thin black cargo pants tucked into her combat boots. I looked at her and the sun glinted off her nose ring and her green eyes. We both knew we weren’t gonna be coming back to this hotel and that after we left here, these were gonna the lasts for just about everything.

She got in her car and I followed her. It felt weird not having her sit next to me. She called my phone and told me she got bored and we spoke through the phone the whole drive. It was a weird thing, but it was definitely a Charlie thing to do. 

    When we reached Portland, I looked like something out of a book. A giant shimmering kingdom, surrounded by a deep, dark, and dangerous moat. The buildings were stacked on top of each other and the bridges wove in and out over each other in intricate and complicated ways. I continued to follow her and we started getting back into some forestry right outside of the city and made our way to the top of a hill. A real Mansion stood at the very top of the hill. It somehow looked like it was built in the early 1900’s but still had a taste of the 21st century. I guess that’s only because they transformed it into a museum.

    The moment we walked in I was greeted by great bright white marble floors, and detailed ceilings that loomed over us in elegance. We walked room to room, being taken in by the antiques and pictures. Every part of the mansion was decked to look elegant and proper in the exact way you’d expect a 1914’s mansion to look. The music room showcased the grand piano before the large window that looked out to the grounds that were behind the mansion.

    We strolled out there after having passed through all the rooms, and walked along the trail past some strangers as Charlie was having a field day with her pictures. We got to the end of the short walkway and stood at the edge of the hilltop and what we saw was astonishing. I knew Charlie was looking at the kingdom as the mysterious Mount Hood yearned for attention far beyond the city and the river. Carrier ships and ferries sailing up and down the river were passing as slow as time, and the sun twinkled and gleaned off the buildings. It was beautiful. Charlie was looking at the view, but she was my view.

    Out of everything that we’ve done and seen the last few days, she was the most breathtaking sight to see. She looked at me and smiled and I smiled back and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her, but I didn't. Instead I just grabbed her hand and we left the mansion. We headed back through Portland, back to the airport, back to our lives.

    We sat next to each other at her gate and we talked briefly because she told me she was finishing her article and she needed to focus. On occasion I’d distract her and tell her a joke and she’d laugh and it killed me. Oh god I loved her laugh. Time feels like it’s passing too slow and too fast at the same time. Minutes turned to hours and finally my heart sank when I saw her plane pull up to the gate.

    She had finished typing her article and packed up the rest of her things with her shell backpack. They started calling sections and we stood up together. She turned to me and her smirk was no longer happy, but rather sad.
    “Thank you for coming on this adventure with me Miles, it was probably the best experience of my life,” She looked like she had some tears in her eyes and I felt my throat tighten. “I know you’re bad with words so you don’t have to say anything.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a flash drive. “I made a copy of my article if you ever get bored at the office and wanted something to remember this and me.” She laughed a sad laugh, and I said back to her, “I could never forget you.” I grabbed the flash drive and I gave her a goodbye hug.
    “Ouch, I honestly think I’m gonna miss you stepping on my feet Bigfoot.” She laughed and we both looked at my gigantic feet. Jesus were they huge. Have they always been this big? I looked back up at her.
    “Hopefully I’ll step on them some more soon.” She smiled and then they called her section. She got in line and I watched her inch up until she was at the door. This time she looked over her shoulder, waved, then walked down the hall around the corner where she disappeared for good. I watched as her plane took off and the clouds rolled back in as the plane pierced right through them.
    I sat at my gate, everyone around me was just like me again. Grays, blues and blacks. I found myself looking over my shoulder hoping that maybe she would run up behind me and tell me I needed to go with her to this new place, which would end up just being the food court. I wouldn’t have cared; I just would’ve wanted to be with her. I missed her already.

    I reached my hand in my pocket and pulled the flash drive out and turned it over in my hand a couple times. I pulled out my laptop from my suitcase and plugged it in and clicked the file. It was amazing. The pictures she took were incredible and I started reading. The title is bold and vibrant just like her: Lost in Time. A few words in and I’m already hooked.
    “There comes a time or two in our lives where we find ourselves lost. Some of the time we end up in the wrong places at the wrong time, or others we find ourselves at the most absolute places at the ideal times. I’m not sure if the man I found, Miles, was quite so sure that he was lost when I found him but I think he found himself when we stood on the hilltop of promise.
    When I met Miles, he was very unsure of what he wanted and what seemed like the right thing to do. Most of the time we believe that the “right thing” and “the ethical thing” are two in the same, when really in this case they are incredibly different. You see, the ethical thing for Miles to have done the day after I met him was to be a part of this business convention, but I think he did the right thing for himself when he decided to get in the car with me and drive us to our destination. Of course when we had gotten to the beautiful Multnomah Falls, the right thing to do for Miles was to probably change his shoes from some Cambridges to some actual hiking boots. 
    The interesting aspect about Miles was that despite how unsure he was about his decision, he decided to hike with me to the top of the falls as he was looking to the Columbia river and I felt like his journey was just beginning.
    The next day, better equipped, he joined me again for another trip to a small town and a far away beach. But when we got to that town I could see he had big ideas and plans and that he had a taste of it and wanted to sink his teeth into those dreams. Astoria was a new place for him but the vintage feel and history almost made you feel like you had history there even if you’ve never inhaled that spring rain. At Cannon beach I could see that far off look that everyone gets.
    It was the look that he wanted more and he saw more. There’s times where I can only imagine how confiding a small desk in an office or the cage around our minds could be. Oppressing and claustrophobic to say the least. But when Miles gazed off into the sea, he was freed and was finally able to think and find his own thoughts. The wind was avid and at times had scared me that I would be blown away, but Miles became fearless and stood his ground and ended up making it seem like the wind was non-existent.
On our last day in the remarkable state of Oregon, we reached the hilltop of where the lavish Pittock Mansion loomed over Portland. We silently weaved through the beautiful rooms and had been taken back in time historically, while Miles seemed to be evaluating a great many things that weren’t quite the teacups and books stacked and placed neatly.
We stood on that hilltop and I realized that Miles wasn’t the only one who was lost. And I don’t think I was either. We find ourselves oppressed and robotically programmed to play and obey the rules that are non existent and unspoken, but everyone knows them loudly and clearly. We fear the hand of authority and find ourselves losing the true essence of ourselves and what it means to step out of what we call the “comfort zone”. But Miles is the prime example of what happens when we find ourselves.
There’s no guarantee that there won’t be consequences due to his recent decisions and actions, but there is the promise that was seen on that hilltop. And that promise was that no matter where you are and how successful or unfortunate you may be, there’s still always time to find yourself and make something of yourself. Not to anyone in particular but rather to give yourself the peace you deserve to understand who you are and where you deserve to be and feel.
Miles inspired me on this trip, obviously enough to write my entire article about him, but for a multitude of reasons. He was a lost man. He was unable to step out of his own skin to be someone who was someone he feared because it was different. I don’t blame him for his doubts. From a young age we’re programmed to fear what we don’t understand, but Miles heard his call to adventure and answered it in the most ethical way for him. He understood what he wanted and chased it relentlessly and passionately. Shy and timid in person, I knew his thoughts were rampant and lively. He not only stepped out of his comfort zone, but he leaped and danced and cartwheeled out of it vigorously.
I applaud Miles. As I looked over the lovely city and the entirety of Oregon, I saw promise in not only the scenery but in the man standing next to me. He was the promise that anyone and everyone willing to seek out adventure and life can and will, so long as they choose to find themselves.
I’m sitting in the airport next to him as he changed from the tall silent man who stepped on my feet on numerous occasions, but to the lively and free man that stands taller and smiles with his lovely brown eyes. Miles was not the only person who was found on this trip. I was as well.
You see I didn’t even think I was lost to begin with, but as I looked at him on that hilltop I found something. I found a man who made me see that I too could be more, and that even if I wasn’t quite there yet he was standing next to me the whole time to make sure I would get there. I wasn’t looking to be found, but Miles found me. I hope that he won’t ever lose himself due to the fear, because I know that no matter how many miles separate us, I won’t ever lose him. I found him leaving a very large, intangible part with me, and I with him. I will now find myself carrying a part of this man in my heart as I hope he will as well.
We may find ourselves lost in time, but we are never lost at heart.”